Away From The Numbers


- by The Undisputed

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Well folks, from the people who brought us Raphael Scheidt, we give you Celtic’s latest potential signing, one ‘Rod Fanni’.

Ah, where do we start?

Obviously the big question is whether the French centre-half’s arrival will result in some hairy defending or will this be one Fanni who manages to keep it tight? The signing should at least help Celtic do well in their Champions League ties with Fanni looking good over two legs. There’s no doubt though that there will be extra pressures on the player. His ability to play the offside will be an important factor as he’ll be keen to avoid cries of “that Fanni was way too deep,” though this certainly wouldn’t be the first time that comment has been heard in the East End of Glasgow. Fanni will be keen to impress his colleagues – in particular he wouldn’t want Vennegoor of Hesselink criticising him, and the resultant headlines e.g. “Dutch Cap Laid Into Fanni.” Among the squad at Celtic though, their goalie Artur Boruc is said to be particularly excited about the new guy joining the defence, but then whose Pole doesn’t get excited when a Fanni appears in front of it. Apparently, Fanni is very popular in his homeland so the Parkhead mailroom is sure to be busy with all the French letters coming his way.

Whatever happens, if he does sign, the headline-writers will have a field day. Though he’s said to be quite a private individual whose inner sanctum is hard to penetrate, Fanni is always going to attract attention. And for certain the ones you're reading now won’t be the only column inches satisfied by this particular Fanni. Okay, okay, I’ll stop now.


At Bayview this week most of the talk has been of goalkeepers. Paul Mathers has earned himself the nickname of ‘The Indicator’ (in, out, in, out…). Well, the sooner he indicates whether he’s staying, the better. The goalie who left Morton due to the travelling, seems to figure St Mirren might be a good option. If he does stay with The Fife, I hope he’s got a better sense of direction around his box than he does around the country. In any case, after failing to tempt East Fife with a compensation deal, St Mirren are now rumoured to be hopeful of agreeing a deal to take Rab Douglas to Love Street instead. In my book, this makes us officially a bigger Club than Leicester City!

Meanwhile, we’ve signed that well-known salesman - and consumer - of pies, Willie McCulloch, with Club spokesman Dave Marshall pointing out that, “Willie was a fan’s favourite during his first spell at the Club.” Dave didn’t however release the name of the fan.


With all our new arrivals and the rumour of one more signing to come, I think we’re all agreed it’s a damn good squad that Zak’s put together this season (with a wee bit of help from Dave Baikie and Willie Gray of course). If we can get the squad to gel, then in the months ahead we should be more prominent than Frank Lampard’s Adam’s apple. This of course, assumes we’ll be playing any games next season. What with all the quiz nights, casino nights and what-have-you, I just hope someone remembers to arrange a football match now and again. Supporters should note that season tickets are not valid for these Social nights. Nor are they valid for cup games. Nor friendlies...


So, possibly one more signing to come, eh? Well, it’s all rumour just now, so it wouldn’t be right to name the guy. And, it would be unfair to tease y’all with clues so I won’t do that either. Not unless you really want me to? Okay, but remember it was your choice. If you don’t get it, and if it doesn’t happen, don’t blame me. Right, your wee clue is… his second name is the same as Michael Crawford’s, and his first name is the same as, er, Stevie somebody. But remember, it’s just a rumour! And it might not be him. Glad we could help.