Away From The Numbers


- by The Undisputed

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So, it’s ‘Fanni’ jokes, is it! Yep, we’ve found your level. Well, the good news is we will be discussing fannies again in this issue, but more about Gus McPherson later.

Well, East Fife have certainly set the bumblebee among the pigeons this weekend with their announcement of a new arrival. There hasn’t been this much speculation and rumour since somebody mentioned something about a video and a pair of socks. Never mind, only one more sleep till Santa comes and we find out what all the fuss is about. AFTN will stop short of camping outside New Bayview tomorrow waiting to see if a Trinidadian striker sneaks in dressed as a bumblebee and pushing a lawnmower - we’ll find out with the rest of you at 11am. Latest odds on this are 4/6 the mascot, 3/1 the John Deere, 4’s a new player, 10/1 Lord Lucan and 50’s Elvis Presley - that’s the deid singer, not the centre-half. One thing’s for sure, it’s difficult to imagine what it could possibly be, that won’t now feel like a big let-down.


Stevie In Action For Woking
So, Gus McPherson has been greeting about East Fife not letting them have Paul Mathers. Diddums. McPherson is quoted as saying, “I feel it’s cruel to deny Paul this fantastic chance of joining a SPL club.” Yeah Gus, a Club so massive that their star player has just decided he can better further his career by signing for Wycombe Wanderers in England’s bottom division! Tell you one thing though - maybe St Midden might have courted more favour from our Directors if their thieving citizens hadn’t robbed Dave Marshall’s van the last time we played through there.


No sooner had we come through the Paul Mathers shenanigans than it looked like another SPL team were going to try to plunder one of our goalies. Put the Teletext on the other day to see the headline, “Gers Close In On McCulloch.” Happily, it turned out to be Lee and not Willie. Hey, it could happen?


Now, speaking of Rangers, it seems Gordon Smith, among others, has it in his head that the Celtic and Rangers youth teams should play in the Third Division. Of course, with such ideas, it’s important not to have a knee-jerk reaction, but to consider the possibility, weigh up the pros and cons and make an informed decision. So, we’ve done this, and they can f*ck right off. In our view, they’re about as welcome as a Cowden fan at an Imperial Leather photoshoot. Anyway, I thought the Old Firm wanted to play in England, so let their youth teams go play Darlington and Chesterfield. Yep Gordon, maybe you should have treated this idea the same as you do your hair and tried your damndest to keep it in your head.