Away From The Numbers

AFTN BASTARDS IN CUP FINAL HEARTACHE

Crowd From The 1930's At BayviewFife Fans Pre Season At DurhamFans At Bayview StadiumFans At Bayview StadiumFife Fans In Fancy Dress At Arbroath April 2007Golden Days At Bayview

*** Report By Matthew McLean ***

The Fife Fans For The Future seven aside tournament, held at King George park in Leven, provided the opportunity for AFTN to get in on the action by signing a lucrative sponsorship deal with the famous (and semi-defunct) B.A.S.T.A.R.D.S team.

The B.A.S.T.A.R.D.S, unable to line up in their usual DM Homecare sponsored jerseys, opted for "The Soviets" strips, red of course, with a hammer and sickle on the chest, though whichever squad member would own a set of strips like that remains a mystery to us.

And so the "AFTN Allstars" (Marxist-Leninist) were born.

Key players such as Pete, Doug, Ewan and Andrew were forced to miss this glorious and emotional comeback of one of Fife's most unsuccessful sides, but a threadbare squad was pulled together with Darren Band pulling on the gloves, "Happy" Sean was the rock holding the defence together in an impressive partnership with Dave. Running the show in midfield was trialist Pete, who was drafted in at the last minute by new sponsors AFTN. Going forward the AFTN Allstars boasted the skills of James "the pen" Campbell, and Lee "chubby" Gillies. Igor adopted a headless chicken role where he managed to avoid the ball for large periods of the games, whilst Gordon "chatterbox" Henderson came on and gave his usual 110% for the cause.

Pete The Trialist
Having been told that "these balls are for the girls" (sexism if we've ever seen it!) the AFTN Allstars had to make do without any sort of warm up, the closest they got to a football was Lee's bulging gut, and so they took in an ongoing match instead, before taking to the field to play a team called Juventitmus, who were wearing sort of Rangers strips. The AFTN Allstars enjoyed the majority of possession and chances but couldn't find the killer touch, a 0-0 draw though and 1 point on board.

The AFTN Allstars then faced a black and gold clad, unholy alliance of Mike Flett imperialism, combined with the reactionary bourgeoisie arm of the state Ė the police. The Memory Corporation simply didnít stand a chance however, as James "the pen" Campbell bulleted home a header from close range to seal a deserved 1-0 win for AFTN's favourite sons.

The "iron-curtain" then held firm for the remainder of the group stages as the AFTN Allstars efficient defence carved out a series of 0-0 draws to finish second in the league, and through to the semi finals for a game against the might of the Dynamo Bike Shop, who had loads of players.

Again though, the solid defence refused to budge, and following two gruelling 7.5 minute halves of silky soccer, it was on to penalties.

Band of Brothers
Lee "chubby" Gillies obviously had post-match sandwiches on his mind as his effort was saved by the Bike Shop keeper', though Allstars own goalie Dave pulled off a fine save to level, before James "the pen" Campbell missed the chance to fire the AFTN Allstars through with a tame effort straight at the keeper'. Igor had to score to keep them in the game, and he slotted home to the cheers of one hundred women. Goalie Daz then made another cracking save before "happy" Sean rattled the ball into the back of the net to book a place in the final. Some say they even saw him smile, AFTN would like to categorically deny these claims

. And so into the final, well did you expect anything else? Probably.

The sun came out (as did the infamous "Methil-ming") for the final as the AFTN Allstars took to the field against the barbaric might of imperialist lackey's the Memory Corporation. The "Iron-curtain" had remained unbroken throughout, with no goals conceded in play, sadly however the AFTN Allstars were finally caught napping when one of the bizzies stabbed home from close range, and there was worse to come in the second half as a sizzling solo effort from Hamish French's evil big brother put the game beyond doubt. The imperialists might have won the trophy, but the AFTN Allstars were the people's champions on the day.

An investigation will also be launched into the fact that one of the tournaments main organisers was playing in goal for the winners, and even made the incredible claim of reminding the ref that he was paying him!

The AFTN Bayview Allstars picked up their runners up medals at McPhail's in Leven, where Lee "chubby" Gillies also won a crate of Tennent's to aide him in his slimming quest. It is rumoured that the players have now returned to their Siberian training camp in the former U.S.S.R where they are preparing for their next challenge, a challenge which, at this moment in time, remains unknown to anyone outside of the Central Committee.



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